A re-evaluation every now and then...

Hey guys! Another infamous late night post.

Before I hit the hay, I'm going to share a few thoughts - something that has bothered me for a few days and finally realized what they really mean.

After having a very turbulent and a very mentally exhausting Thanksgiving break, I came back to work with sad feelings...then strangely, a burst of inspiration to get myself together and letting go.

Art is a very intense and sensitive subject for me because it is what I chose to do and the only thing that threatens that is skepticism from others (and even myself at a very early point). Being an artist in a Filipino catholic household and having EVERYONE put heavy irrational expectations on you does not mix well (at least from my experience). Although, I understand that the generation (and culture) before mine has a completely different outlook. Yes, they have grown up differently than me. I think it's VERY honorable to sacrifice plenty for the sake of your family and I commend whoever has been given that experience, but all I have to say is that everyone has a unique path and we have the responsibility of how we approach it. The times are changing and soon what I think is moral will be outdated.

When I went home, I dreaded the idea of trying of prove myself to my family. Hell, I was finding ways not to come home for the holiday. I felt outcasted and it killed me to feel that there was no support and the only reason why I would get accepted is if I did what they wanted. I am the child who gets no praise compared to the child who is favored because he/she chose...oh let's say... nursing (my personal favorite). 

My goal in life is to make enough where I'm comfortable, flexible, and stable. If our standard of living requires us to work for money, then so be it. However, money is money and it shouldn't be more than what it's suppose to be. 

In the field of art as a career, there isn't just the stereotypical 'painter'. There are PLENTY of others, which is what I love about what field I chose. I am an illustrator. I know a someone who is a ballet dancer. Another who is a figure skater, and a dear childhood friend of mine who chose to be a violinist. THEY are artists. And knowing that gives me pride in this sense because there is always a community for whatever you choose.

I personally define "being an artist" as looking at my surroundings differently. So far, my path of being an artist isn't all about sketching, commissions, digital paintings - it has been a path of feeling and intuition. Being an artist has made me give more thanks and appreciation for my blessings than I probably ever will if I were something that I wasn't.

So my point being, everyone is their happiest when they have accepted their path. I started to re-evaluate my goals and realized how determined and ambitious I really was. Finding my sense of moving forward allowed me to leave all the mental baggage behind - letting go of the judgement, the false praise, the stupid idea of having to prove myself for people.
It was all in my head.
By re-evaluating what I need to do and accomplishing these goals, I have really proved myself to me, the worst critic on Earth.

I'm gonna end this by being thankful for the little things. Like sketching with a cat on your lap... :)